Chapter Text
This wasn’t a nightmare, even if Alex would have preferred it to be.
He wakes up at June and Nora’s place with the worst hangover he’s had in a long time. Mouth dry and pasty, his head throbbing, and a heavy, painful feeling sitting on his chest. He doesn’t know what time it was when they got back from the party, pretty late that’s for sure. Alex was drunk on a noticeable amount of alcohol, he remembers some shots after Henry’s hurried departure and the strong taste of whisky lingering on his tongue and burning his throat.
He sits up in the bed, groaning, and grabs his phone on the nightstand. It’s past twelve already, however it’s sunday so he doesn’t have to get to work. He immediately goes to his conversation with Henry and the unanswered texts he sent last night, or early this morning, when he had fled abruptly after the kiss. Henry didn’t even leave him a chance to speak or explain himself, he had just ran away.
✉️ Alex
please come back
i have to talk to to you
i’m so sorry if i overstepped and did something wrong
henry at least tell me you got home okay
im really sorry i dont want to lose you
Alex hates to sound so desperate but he is so sick of people abandoning him.
First his dad, then a few girlfriends who grew tired of him and how much he was to put up with, even though he didn’t have a lot of serious relationships through his twenty-six years and they never lasted longer than three or four months.
Tears start to prickle in his eyes, he puts the phone back down to recharge it and gets up, unwillingly. He can’t rote in bed forever, he will actually explode if he sits with his thoughts for too long. First, he takes a warm shower and he lets the water wash his ache away.
June and Nora are already up when he makes his way into their living room, the smell of food makes his stomach grumble.
“Hello sunshine!”
He answers Nora with a grunt, rubbing at his right eye. She puts some strawberry jam on her toasted slice of bread and takes a bite out of it. June sips on her mug of coffee, her eyes following her brother carefully.
“How are you feeling?” Nora asks, once she has swallowed her bite.
“Like absolute crap,” he answers with a frown, his voice still rugged with sleep.
“I’ve made coffee and there’s eggs and bacon,” June says, kissing his cheek while she walks by him to sit at the dining table with her girlfriend.
“You’re the best.”
They let him pour his coffee and prepare his plate in silence, they know better than to poke at him when he’s hungry and most importantly when he hasn't had his first dose of caffeine yet.
Once he is seated in front of them, he takes a long sip of his coffee. A sigh leaves his mouth, he closes his eyes for a second. Maybe, this way, he won’t have to deal with the harsh reality.
“So, do you want to talk about why you got absolutely sh*tfaced last night?” Nora, apparently, doesn’t want to leave him in peace.
“I think I’ve told you already,” Alex groans, opening his eyes to throw them a glare. “And I’m sure Pez is giving you all the details.”
“Well, he didn’t say much and we want to hear it from you first.”
Alex plays pokes at the bacon on his plate with his fork, this isn’t like he relieved every single detail of last night in his head, especially what occurred between him and Henry when the clock struck midnight and fireworks were blowing up in the distance while they were kissing.
How could he think about anything other than Henry’s plump lips moving against his own? Or the way his fingers were moving through his curls that has –and still does– woke up a horde of butterflies in his stomach?
Sure, Alex initiated the kiss, because this evening Henry was even more stunning than usual, he smelled nice. Alex had missed him during the few days apart, missed his laugh and his smile and his stupid face. He took his leap of faith by kissing him first, but Henry was as much as a willing participant.
There was a moment of hesitation when their lips had met, where Alex almost stepped back to apologize, but then Henry had responded, had kissed him back like he also had been craving this contact for a long time. Hungry and eager, but ever so delicate. And, for a few seconds, everything in Alex had stilled, except for his heart. He had never experienced this much peace, silence and quiet, a sense of finally being at rest after having spent his whole life running.
Until he suddenly broke the kiss when he felt Alex’s tongue against his own, like he tasted fire or electricity there. His heart had shattered to pieces, because he was so sure Henry wanted this too. Apparently, Alex had read the entire thing wrong. He wants to cry until there is not a drop of water left in his body.
Alex followed his father’s advice. He had jumped, blindly, not knowing if it was a cliff he was standing on. Ever since the kiss, he had been falling into an endless void. The drop hurts him more than he had anticipated.
“You already know Henry and I kissed,” he says, looking at his plate, “or—I kissed him, he kissed me back and it was f*cking great. But then I don’t know, he freaked out and told me that we can’t do this, because I’m straight and drunk which I wasn’t, either of those things.”
Thinking back on this moment, on Henry’s words, Alex wants to scream at the top of his lungs. Henry had looked at him like he realized it was the worst decision of his life, his blue eyes full of regrets and sorrow. Alex hadn’t even had the chance to give an answer, an explanation, before Henry vanished, taking with him the broken pieces of Alex’s heart.
Nora’s laugh breaks his trail of thoughts, he blinks and throws her an annoyed glare.
“I’m sorry,” she takes a breath, still amused. “He thinks you’re straight?”
“Don’t laugh! It’s not f*cking funny.”
“Sorry babe, I know but—damn. I thought he was way smarter than you, turns out he’s as much of a dumbass as you are. Actually, now you’re even more of the perfect match.”
“Why am I being insulted here?” He frowns, exasperated. Nora sighs and straightens on her chair. June is sipping on her coffee, following the conversation closely.
“Listen, there has to be another reason as to why he ran off.” Nora says, much more serious this time. “It can’t be the kiss, he’s been making love eyes at you ever since you’ve first been talking at the coffee shop. I mean, you were clueless enough not to see he was practically begging you to climb on his lap the whole time.”
Alex blushes furiously, he opens his mouth to protest, to find a counterargument, except there is none. He can only stutter over his own breath, speechless for once. Nora raises an eyebrow, knowingly.
“So, the kiss –which he desperately wanted too, by the way– isn’t the reason why he acted like he did.”
“Okay you may have a point.” Alex mumbles, he grabs his mug of coffee to have something to do with his fidgeting hands. “But he still f*cking left me there and he hasn’t answer any of my texts since. So, how am I supposed to take it?”
“Maybe he just needs some space and time?”
June’s suggestion makes his shoulders drop. Maybe Henry has a different approach on how he deals with things when they get rough, but Alex doesn’t really do well with giving time and space to someone, even if that probably makes him the most selfish person on earth, but he can’t when his heart is digging a hole through his chest from how much it’s currently hurting.
A deeply unpleasant sensation shifts in his stomach, a dreadful feeling. He sinks his teeths into his bottom lip, so much so that he starts to taste blood.
“This is all my fault, isn’t it? I ruined our friendship, and I’m f*cking angry with myself because when I finally make a meaningful connection with someone, a natural bound I hadn’t experience in a long time, I just had to mess things up as always and—and maybe he realized I was way too much to deal with, he didn’t want to bear all of the burden, so he bailed on me and—”
“I’m stopping you right there, Alexander.” June uses her firm voice, the one where she wants to prove she has the authority as the older sister to interrupt his agitated and turmoiled argument. In these kinds of moments, when she gets deadly serious, she looks just like their mother. “I swear to God I will throw away all of your coffee if you speak about yourself like that ever again, you hear me?”
He answers her only with a grunt, but he knows she is perfectly capable of acting on her words. Under the table, his left leg starts to bounce and he grips his mug harder. She means well, of course she always does. She never stopped to look after him even when they were younger, when he was crying and shaking all over because of the endless arguments between their parents, then the divorce, or when his father left. He remembers being inconsolable, but June had held him until the tears ran out and he had fallen asleep from exhaustion.
She’s the hand he reaches for when he needs support, the body he clings to everytime anxiety crashes over him, the shoulder he cries on. She’s his rock, the only person he could count on at the time because their parents were too busy arguing over and over again or working. Now, it’s a little bit different, but she’s always the one he goes to first.
June, perceiving his telltales of an upcoming wave of anxiety, reaches for one of his hands. She squeezes his fingers between her own, and tries to ease the angst away.
“Now, from where I’m standing I think Henry wouldn’t have kissed you back if he wasn’t interested too. That much is clear, and like Nora said he was pretty obvious in the way he looked at you. He certainly has a valid reason for his behavior, he doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would just step on someone else’s feelings carelessly. Don’t overthink this. You just have to work out what happened in his head.”
“Yeah except I’m not a f*cking mindreader, am I?” Alex answers in frustration. “He won’t talk to me and he disappeared before I had the time to explain myself. To me, what’s pretty clear is that Henry doesn’t want to hear from me.”
He almost tugs his hand back from June’s grip, but she runs her thumb over his knuckles and he sighs loudly, leaning into the reassuring touch.
Also, how could he not overthink? That is basically his thing. Whenever Alex does something, generally on a whim, he has the recurrent tendency to spend an awful lot of time thinking about it afterwards, to the point where it usually triggers his anxiety. Of course he has to overthink this kiss with Henry and his complete silence ever since he took flight.
“Oh my god, men are so useless!” Nora groans, almost tearing at her hair while she runs a hand through it. “Go talk to him, then! You know, like actual responsible and mature adults do? You’re not fifteen anymore, Alejandro. This isn’t high school where you have a crush on the super hot guy you’re too afraid to look in the eyes. You need to actually communicate verbally, not just by some stupid texts, you can have a real conversation with him and see how things turn out. I mean, do you care about him?”
Alex has to scoff at her questions. Like this isn’t abundantly clear by now how much he does. He would do anything in his power to make Henry smile again, to hear his laugh, to bring pure bliss and happiness in his eyes. Even if they have to forget about the kiss in order to stay friends.
This idea ignites a painful sensation in Alex’s heart, but he much prefers to have Henry like this, only some parts of him, with the limits and distances that friendship entails, than to lose him completely over this. In the last couple of months, Henry had become so important and essential to his daily life that he can’t possibly conceive a future without his presence in it, one way or another.
“Of course I do,” he says without an ounce of hesitation. “Probably a little too much, even. I don’t want to lose him.” The thought makes his stomach drop and his heart clench.
“I know you, and you don’t give up on the people you care about, do you?” Alex shakes his head at Nora’s question, his throat still thigh. “So, don’t let him think you’re giving up on him.”
June nods in agreement with her words, she smiles softly at him and lets go of his hand. His fidgeting has ceased, but he needs to actually do something about the clutter in his mind.
He knows Nora is right though, they can’t only rely on texts and he has to confront Henry eventually. Alex isn’t the kind of person to leave things unresolved and unsaid, especially when the reasons Henry has stated are far from the truth.
Pondering over their conversation, Alex finishes his food and his coffee deep in his thoughts, staring mindlessly at a spot on the wall. Nora has time to clean the table and do the dishes while June writes on her laptop on the couch.
Alex gets up when he’s done, and puts his mug and his plate in the sink. Nora raises an eyebrow in his direction like she’s expected to do his dishes, but she turns the water back on nonetheless.
“Thanks. I think I need to get back to my place and go for a run. Clear my head and all that.”
He is bursting with too many emotions at the same time and he has to find some way to externalize them. Running is the most efficient way for him to blow off steam.
Nora nods, she flicks some soapsuds at his face. He chuckles and shoves at her hips with his own, gently.
“Okay, suit yourself. But keep us updated.”
“Thanks, I owe you both.”
He looks back at June, still on the couch, she lifts her head from her laptop and simply smiles in his direction. Alex is forever grateful to have these two wonderful women in his life, he wouldn’t be where he is right now without them.
“Get your man first,” she says as he rolls his eyes. “We’ll talk about that later.”
“I want your empanadas for a month once a week,” Nora discloses, Alex frowns at her.
“June can literally cook them for you.”
“No offense babe, I love you,” Nora says while throwing a kiss in the air at her girlfriend. “But, and it pains me to admit it, Alexander’s ones are way better.”
“I’m dumping you,” June declares, undisturbed. Nora snorts as she cleans the plate.
“That’s not what you said two nights ago when I gave you the best org*sm of your life but whatever–”
“Oh my god! Shut up Nora!” Alex exclaims with a grimace of disgust. “I don't wanna hear about your sex life!”
“Yeah, I agree. He’s my little brother,” June makes a face. “Let’s not. Please.”
Nora shrugs, but Alex can tell by her half-smile that she’s clearly enjoying this. He groans and goes back to the bedroom he slept in to gather up his things. Once he has said goodbye to them, with the biggest hugs, he takes his car and rides back to his place.
He changes quickly into his running clothes and shoes, something to keep him warm in the cold weather of January. A part of him wants to laugh at the irony of it, how he started his new year : with a kiss and heartbreak.
As he gets outside, he puts his earbuds in and clicks play on his running playlist. Music helps him to push the thoughts away and concentrate fully on his workout. He falls into the first steps easily, an old habit, and follows the same path as usual. Down some streets, to a park where he can admire the tree.
It’s nothing like in Texas, where nature is prominent. Alex loves to go on extended runs and walks where he’s there in the summer, also he can swim in beautiful lakes and that is a luxury he will never get tired of.
Today, though, he runs to the point of exhaustion. Until his muscles are sore, his breath itching and his heart racing at high speed. At the end, it even becomes a little painful, but Alex pushes forward, he grits his teeth, works on his breathing and bears with the suffering because it’s actually helping him to focus on something other than what’s troubling his mind since yesterday.
He runs for a long time, he doesn’t know how much, but when he stops his legs are shaking, he can barely feel his own feet and his heart rattles in his chest. Back at his apartment, he takes a hot shower to soothe his aching muscles, he also washes his hair and it’s kind of a cathartic process.
There is still no text from Henry when he checks his phone, it’s almost four pm now. Alex slouches on his sofa, he turns the TV on but nothing catches his attention. He’s feeling restless, even after his tiring workout, he can’t sit still and wait for Henry to give him a sign. At this rate, he will drive himself crazy. He needs to take matters into his own hands.
Five minutes later, dressed to brave the coldness, he is out again. Seeing how sore his legs are, he decides to take his car. The drive is short and easy, not many people on the road on a foggy Sunday afternoon. As soon as he steps on the curb, it starts to rain. Because of course. It couldn’t be more dramatic than that.
Once he is standing in front of Henry’s building, he starts to pace, fidgeting with his hands, itchy and nervous. With all the chaos unfolding in his head, he didn’t really think about what he would actually say to Henry. Before he has time to dwell on which ways all of it could possibly go wrong, he rings Henry’s apartment number at the intercom.
It goes unanswered, Alex considers that maybe Henry flew back to England to be with his family and avoid any contact with him. A sinking feeling makes his throat tightens. Clinging to the little bit of hope he has leff, he goes to press the button a second time, just in case, when a familiar voice stops him.
“Alex?”
Just his name. But it’s enough for Alex to forget he has to breathe. He turns to face Henry. Long coat, an umbrella open over his head, David on his leash in his other hand. Surprise is clear on his face, he looks at Alex like he can’t believe he’s standing here.
Alex swallows around the lump in his throat, droplets of rain catching on his eyelashes.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” Henry whispers back, tugging on David’s leash as he is eager to greet him too. Alex smiles weakly in his direction, he bends to give him the cuddles he is asking for. When he rises again, Henry is looking down at his dog, his face closed and blank.
“Did you get my texts?”
“I haven’t really been looking at my phone, sorry,” he seems sincere enough, ashamed even.
“Oh, okay.” Alex shrugs, as if it is nothing when it’s really not, but his question is quick to follow. “Can we please talk? If—if you’re not busy.”
Henry inhales sharply, then he simply nods and walks by him to go to his building. He fumbles a bit with his umbrella while he tries to retrieve his keys. Alex follows him, quiet and maintaining some distance between them, but he offers a hand when he sees him struggle.
“Let me. I can take David.”
“Thank you.”
Alex feels the emptiness in his voice, he blinks back the upcoming tears and takes the leash Henry extends to him. He folds his umbrella and opens the door. Silently, they took the elevator, David looking at Alex with his big puppy eyes like he’s begging him to talk and smooth things over so they can go back to how they were before. It all feels so wrong and Alex hates it.
Once they are in Henry’s apartment, Alex frees David of his leash, he directly trots to his water bowl in the living room. Alex gets rid of his shoes and his coat, he hangs it next to Henry's one.
“Do you want something to drink? Coffee, water, beer?”
“No, thank you.”
Henry nods and makes his way to the kitchen. Alex feels like an intruder, he walks up to the counter, while Henry fills the kettle with water, puts it on, grabs a cup and the blend of his favorite tea. He’s meticulous in his process, but Alex has the impression he’s doing everything he can to avoid talking and looking at him.
Alex notices the set of Jane Austen’s tea he got him as a Christmas present, carefully put on the side of the counter, near the kettle. He swallows, and braces himself.
“Henry, can you—I need to tell you something, a lot of things, actually.”
“Okay.”
One simple nod, Henry looks up briefly at him but he’s quick to avert his eyes back on the tea he is brewing. He is willing to listen, at least. That’s a start. Alex only hopes he will get answers too.
Alex inhales, he feels his heart start to pound quickly inside his chest, he tugs on his fingers anxiously. But he can’t back down, he’s here with a reason, he’s here to tell the truth, to give his explanation and get Henry back. If he still wants him in his life, that is.
“I’m not straight.”
The first truth is out. Alex says it with absolute certainty, too. Even if he took some time to get there, years, he was never ashamed of his sexuality.
Henry almost spills his cup of tea all over the counter when the words fill the heavy air between them, he catches it carefully and lets out a shaky breath.
“I’m not straight and I wasn’t drunk either. I was, in fact, perfectly lucid,” he gulps, his eyes never leaving Henry’s face to catch his reaction . “Also, I’m bisexual.”
This time, Henry looks directly at him. Alex holds his breath, he hasn’t been this nervous and unsure in a long time and he needs Henry to say something in the next seconds or he will more than likely spiral. His brain is so drained, he can’t endure any more emotional damage.
“Alex—” Henry swallows visibly and looks down at his hands, gripping the cup where the tea is brewing. “I’m so sorry for saying that without knowing, I—It was wrong of me to assume.”
“It’s okay, you weren’t aware.”
His fingers are itching to reach out to Henry’s ones, to hold them and give him some kind of reassurance because he suddenly looks quite livid and on the edge of tears.
“Henry, it’s fine. Really. Maybe I should have told you sooner about my sexuality, I don’t why I didn’t, I just—” Alex pushes a hand through his curls, a frustrated sigh, leaving his mouth. He is thinking about so many things he doesn’t know where to start. “I need this to be clear, no misunderstanding or whatever, I wanted this kiss. More than anything else. For quite a while.”
Now that the words are out there, free for Henry to do whatever he wishes with them, Alex readies himself for what the outcome could be, if his heart would break even more with the possibly that Henry might reject him, or say the kiss was a mistake and they better forget about it and leave their relationship at that.
It wouldn’t be the first time he loses someone, he just doesn’t want Henry to be one of them.
“Me too,” Henry finally whispers, looking back at Alex with shyness.
“Explain to me, then. I’ve been losing my mind over this—” he really hopes Henry won’t find this revelation too much. “Why did you run away?”
He sees Henry’s shoulder tensing a little, he lifts his cup of tea and walks around the counter while gesturing at the sofa. As they sit, they leave a safe distance between them, even if Alex wants nothing more than to touch Henry, to hold his hand, to ground himself with his physical presence, and make sure he won’t slip away through his fingers this time.
Careful and steady, Henry puts his cup down on the coffee table. Almost immediately, he starts to play with the ring around his pinky, Alex knows it’s a habit he picks up whenever he’s feeling nervous.
“I was just—I was afraid.”
He releases a deep trembling breath after this sentence. Alex’s eyes are glued on him, he’s listening religiously to every single one of his words. It’s Henry who holds all the power now, and he could very much destroy him with just a few sentences.
“I was under the impression that you were drunk and straight and perhaps it was all just a meaningless midnight kiss because I was there at the right time, some kind of game, I don’t know, I got scared—I—I panicked, I thought that you would realize it was a mistake to you, then it would ruin our friendship forever and I— I didn't know what to say or do to save that, so I fled. I thought I better take off while I still can, to avoid getting hurt. I’m sorry, it was the safest option for me at the time.”
“Hey. It’s not a game. It never was. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Alex shakes his head quickly, his voice soft and serious. He wants him to understand he has never been so sincere about anything in his life before.
He extends a hand to him, in hopes he will take it. Henry stared at it for a second, swallowing, before slowly slipping his fingers against the palm of his hand. They fit so easily, like they are meant to be together. Alex feels a sensation of rightfulness spreading in his chest.
“I don’t want to lose you over something so stupid. I’m not talking about the kiss, obviously, but the reasons that pushed you to disappear.”
“I’m sorry, Alex. Truly, I—I know I should have given you the chance to speak. I was such a coward, and selfish too, running away like I did. ”
“Don’t say that, you’re nothing of the sort” he frowns, intertwining their fingers together. “You were scared, that’s how you dealt with it, I’m not blaming you for that, in fact I’m not blaming you for anything. I just—I needed to know it wasn’t because I kissed you.”
Alex tightens his grip around Henry’s hand, he watches him catching his breath as he closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them again, they are a deep blue ocean settling on Alex, he willingly floats in it. If he could, he would do that forever. Basks in the constant waves of Henry, lets them crash over him so that he could never taste anything else.
“Of course not.” Henry answers with honesty. “Alex, I wanted to kiss you for bloody ages.”
“You did?” His voice is barely a whisper, full of hope and relief. Henry rolls his eyes, still looking a little sheepish.
“I thought it was pretty obvious. I was also scared it wasn’t the case for you, that you just wanted us to be friends and that if I kissed you, you would simply—disappear from my life.”
“But, I’m still here now, aren’t I?”
Henry nods, still reserved and guarded. Though this time, it’s him that rubs his thumb over the back of Alex’s hand, his gesture so delicate it sends shivers right down his spine.
“You—” Henry shakes his head and the ghost of a smile appears at the corner of his mouth. “Christ, Alex. You called me ‘ dude ’, the first time you talked to me, do you remember?”
“Not my finest moment, I must admit,” Alex’s face twists in a grimace. “I think my brain malfunctioned the moment I saw you. Also, I was a little mad because you were so polite and smiled at Nora when you barely acknowledged me.”
“Believe me when I say, I was more than aware of your presence. That is why I had to get away from you, and the fact that I heard you talked with Nora about a date you had with a girl, hence why I thought you were straight.” Alex raises an eyebrow with the hint of a teasing smile, Henry lets out a sigh, his cheeks getting red. “Pretty dumb assumption, I know. But, I thought I was dreaming when a few days later you came and kept on talking to me.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t let you go that easily, sweetheart.”
They smile at each other, openly, and it’s almost like they are back to the way they were before. Alex only hopes he can also have the physical touches and the kisses in addition to the rest, all the parts of himself Henry will allow him to see and cherish.
“When we were getting closer, I told myself you were just a deeply affectionate, tactile and demonstrative person.”
“I mean I am, but not with everyone and not so fast,” Alex shrugs. “It just felt very and strangely natural with you.”
“The same goes for me,” Henry smiles softly, although it’s barely been a day, Alex had missed this more than he cares to admit. “Even though it was an absolute torture sometimes to have to remain indifferent to all of your attentions.”
Alex thinks back on those moments where they were close, the hugs, all the little touches, their hands, their knees, the laughs, the furtive glances, the endless more or less serious conversations, the easy banter, Henry’s head on his shoulder and he wonders if maybe those were just the beginning of everything that could still happen between them.
He can’t wait to find out.
“You don’t have to anymore,” he blurts out the words, and feels his face heating up a little. “I mean—Henry. Listen. I want this, I want you . It’s been the case for a while now.”
“Oh?” Henry is getting red in the cheeks, a sight Alex can’t get enough of.
“Yeah, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since I saw you for the first time at the coffee shop. You were quiet and reserved, but also the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. That’s the reason why I was always finding ways of coming up to you from our first conversation. You’ve been in my head ever since.”
“Alex,” Henry is flustered, he looks down bashfully at their joined hands for a second. “I've wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I thought to myself ‘this devastatingly gorgeous man will absolutely drive me crazy if he ever looks my way’ and you had the audacity to do exactly both of those things.” He takes a breath and lets out a small laugh, his blue eyes fixed on him. “How could we have been so blind?”
“Beats me.” Alex hesitates, playing with Henry’s fingers. “But—do you also want something—with me?”
“Of course, love. Isn’t it bloody obvious?”
Henry tells him those words with so much earnestness, like he was dying to get them out in the open for a long time, that Alex has to laugh. He turns his hand in Henry’s one, to brush at his knuckles. His fingers are long and elegant, his skin soft and delicate, like he’s made of porcelain.
When he looks up, Henry’s gaze is already on him. Clear and inviting. Full of different shades and nuances. Gone are the guarded expression and the walls he was keeping up earlier.
Alex holds his breath, his heart leaping inside his chest, and says the words that are burning on his tongue ever since he walked into Henry’s apartment.
“Henry?”
“Yes?”
“Can I kiss you?” he whispers, afraid that if he speaks too loud it will shatter everything around them. “I want to do it right this time around.”
“Okay,” Henry says almost immediately, with a nod. “But for the record, the last one was more than fine.”
“I should have asked you first, though. Consent and all that.”
“Was it not abundantly clear that I was into it when I reciprocated the kiss?”
“Until you pushed me back and took off, yeah.”
Henry makes an embarrassed sound as he looks down, his cheeks reddening. Alex chuckles, he slides a finger under his chin to lift his head and, as their eyes meet, his fingers brush against his jaw to finally settle on his cheek.
Slowly, they reduce the distance left between them. Alex’s gaze falls on Henry’s pink lips, slightly open, waiting to be kissed. He stops when their noses are almost brushing, Henry squeezes his hand gently, as if to tell him he can proceed.
Alex had to make sure of one more thing before that. Before he delves head and heart first into him.
“You won’t run away again, will you?” he murmurs, close to Henry’s mouth.
“I have no intention of doing so, no.”
“Great,” he smiles, his heart beating loudly. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Alex—”
But Henry’s words die against his lips with a soft whimper –a sound Alex bottles up at the back of his mind– because Alex is kissing him, and it feels just like breathing. It’s different than the first time, though, way better. There is no fear of making a mistake or jumping blindly into the unknown. It’s not a cliff anymore. There is no holding back.
Henry’s other hand comes up to his hair, his fingers sliding through his curls and the touch sends shivers and electricity all over Alex’s body. While his breath itches, he dives fully into the kiss, relishes in the way Henry responds to it with as much need and insistence.
Alex feels like his heart is ready to burst out of his chest given how fast it’s actually beating. He can’t bring himself to care, to be honest, when Henry’s warm lips on his have the power to shut his lightning-fast brain. Like with their first kiss, as soon as their mouths find each other, everything suddenly goes still and silent in him. It's a wave of peace washing over him.
For a blissful moment, he’s back in Austin. His body floating on the surface of a lake in the summer, the sun hot on his skin, eyes closed, happy and carefree, not a single sound around except nature in all its glory and magnificence.
Kissing Henry makes all of the constant noises in his head go away. A quiet he didn’t know he was longing for.
It’s Henry who pulls away first, a little out of breath. His cheeks are a lovely shade of pink, Alex traces the flush with his thumb, his skin softer than silk. They stay close to each other, so much so that Alex can feel the hot prickling of Henry’s breath on his mouth when he speaks again.
“Also,” Henry adds, opening his eyes slowly, like he’s waking up from a dream. Alex feels exactly the same. “I should point out that we are, in fact, in my apartment so it would be particularly strange for me to just vanish and leave you alone at my place.”
“Shut up.”
Alex brings him up by the neck for another kiss, both of them smiling into it and chasing after each other’s grinning mouths. Henry’s tongue grazes his lips, tentatively, Alex doesn’t hesitate for a second to give him total access by opening his lips. The push and pull of their tongue makes him dizzy, he feels it right down to his stomach.
He thinks, at the back of his mind, that Henry can take whatever he wants and he will give it to him willingly. Then again, he’s a little intoxicated by the kiss so he can’t be expected to have coherent thoughts right now. He will be more rational once Henry’s lips are no longer short-circuiting his brain. Not that he ever wants this to end.
In fact, he inclined his head a little to the side, to give them a better angle, and Henry lets out a sigh in between the synchronized movement of their mouth. He doesn’t waste a second to dive more into the kiss, his fingers hot and grounding at the back of Alex’s neck and in his hair. The noise in his brain is now reduced to a satisfied purr, a warm sensation spreading down his spine.
Once they break apart, Alex puts his forehead on Henry’s one for a second. They just breathe in each other, Henry’s fingers stay in his hair, playing tenderly with his curls. He can still fill the sting of Henry’s mouth on his, he doesn’t know how it can be so soft and firm at the same time.
Henry is a fascinating complex, a full spectrum of contradictions and nuances Alex can’t wait to spend all of his time exploring.
Actually, Alex is convinced kissing him had made him lose a few of his neurons. He takes a deep, quivering breath. Henry leans back so he can look at him, his lips are incredibly pink and inviting.
“Are you alright?”
“I want to take you on a date,” Alex blurts out.
Not the answer either of them were expecting. But Alex still hasn’t gathered all of his bearings, how is he supposed to when Henry is kissing him within an inch of his life and when he wants to be embraced like that forever?
Also, Alex genuinely and absolutely wants to take him on a date, something he hasn’t done in a long time too. At least, not with so much need for this to work out in the end, for them to have an actual lasting and real relationship.
He knows he hasn’t got the best record with his dating history, with people sticking around for more than just his mind or his body, but he honestly wants to try with Henry. It’s the first time in his life he has met someone with whom Alex feels like it’s actually all worth it.
Henry’s eyes go a little wide at his words, he inhales. Alex feels the panic rising in his throat, he adds quickly.
“I mean—If you want more than what we already had before, obviously. You don’t have to—”
“Alex, darling,” Henry interrupts him, softly, and with a smile. His fingers brushing against his jaw. “I think, for what we’ve been doing seconds ago, it’s pretty clear I want more. And, I would very much like a date with you. Thank you.”
Relieved, Alex lets out a long exhale. Henry simply chuckles and brings his hand to his mouth to place a delicate kiss on one of his fingers. He looks like the personification of a real prince charming. Maybe Alex wasn’t as far from the truth when he made this comparison to Nora.
“Okay, awesome!” He smiles, happily. Henry’s expression mirrors his own. “I’m sorry if that was awkward, I haven’t done this in a while, I really like you and I don’t want to jinx it, you know? I just—I want this,” he gestures between Henry and himself, “to be good.”
“Don’t worry. I want the same thing as you.” His hand leaves Alex’s face to hold his fingers, looking down at them. “To be honest I think I’m the worst of the both of us. You actually make me kind of nervous most of the time.”
“How so?”
“Alex,” their eyes find each other, brown meeting blue. “do you not see the many effects you have on people?”
“Oh, you mean I’m making you nervous because I’m charming and f*cking sexy?”
Henry snorts, shaking his head, but the pink carnation rising on his cheeks betrays him. Alex loves to tease him, he’s giddy at the thought that he will get to do it a lot more than he used to before. Which was already a great deal, but Henry loves it as much, he leans into it and almost always answers back.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You were thinking it, though. I can tell, from the way you’re blushing.”
And Alex relishes in the way Henry tries not to look entirely bashful, he’s very glad he gets the chance to witness that. Maybe he is the luckiest man on earth. Alex brushes his fingers against his cheek, because now that he can touch him like he has dreamt about so many nights before, he has no intention of stopping anytime soon. It’s even better in real life.
“It’s okay, I like it when you get flustered. You look really pretty with pink on your cheeks.”
“Oh my god,” Henry flushes even more under Alex’s amused and heavy glare. “Would you please stop?”
“Sorry sweetheart, I’m afraid I can’t. I’ve always wanted to tell you that, so now that I can I won’t restrain myself. You’ve been warned.”
“Good,” Henry nods affirmingly, “then don’t.”
“You’re quite contradictory, you know that? I mean, you—”
This time, it’s Henry who interrupts Alex’s babbling by kissing him senseless, fingers gripping at his hair, lips full, soft and searching for more contact, tongue grazing against his own. He’s still gentle, though, he takes his time discovering the best way their mouths fit together, how he can make Alex drown into the kiss and lose all of his faculties.
Alex couldn’t have dreamt of a better way to be silenced, and for once in his life he’s not mad about it at all.
When Henry backs away, Alex chases after his lips, craving for more, after two whole months of badly wanting even the smallest of touches. Henry smiles at him, pressing his thumb delicately to the corner of his mouth. It feels just like a kiss, with how Alex is responding to it, leaning the side of his face against his dainty hand, his breath catching in his throat.
Henry pecks his lips once, a bright smile illuminating his face and lights dancing in the cerulean pool of his eyes. This sight is an ethereal vision, one Alex wants to engrave into his brain, commit to his memory so that he can revisit it whenever he feels the need to –all the time, to be perfectly honest– and never forget what it’s like to be the center of Henry’s full and open attention.
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Henry asks, after a moment of silence. “ I know it’s not late, but I’m hungry and Percy made something this morning, I have leftovers.”
“Of course, if that’s alright with you.”
“I offered. And—” he starts to blush again while he brushes one of Alex’s curls behind his ear. “I don’t want you to leave right now.”
“Can’t get enough of me already, your Majesty?” Alex teases while getting closer to him again, he places a kiss on his warm, blushing cheek.
“Sod off,” Henry chuckles, pushing Alex at his shoulder lightly, but he smiles with his teeth and he has never been more beautiful than at this moment. Alex doesn’t want to stop kissing him. “But, yes, I believe I can’t.”
“Perfect! That makes both of us, then.”
Before they get up from the couch, Alex pulls Henry’s mouth to his, kissing him like there is no tomorrow. Henry laughs into it, the sound vibrating straight to Alex’s heart. And although he teases him about it, Alex is actually the one who can’t get enough of him. He doesn’t feel even a tiny bit ashamed.
Eventually, Alex heats up the leftovers while Henry makes himself another cup of tea, the first one cold and abandoned on the coffee table and now drained down the sink.
Alex drops a kiss on his shoulder while he is brewing another blend, smiling against the fabric of his t-shirt. The smell of fresh detergent and a hint of Earl Grey feels comforting.
“I can’t believe I made you forget your tea.”
“Yes, you reprobate,” Henry smiles and leans his back into Alex’s chest. “Where are your manners? How is a respectable British man supposed to cope without his favorite tea?”
“Do you need some liquid courage to deal with me? Is that it?” Alex grins, teasingly. “Sweetheart, you flatter me.”
“I don’t need your ego to get bigger than it already is, love.”
“Hm, I like that.”
Henry chuckles as Alex nuzzles his nose into his neck, his arms encircling Henry’s waist to get him even physically closer to him. He feels the shivers running down Henry’s skin when he presses a kiss at the junction of his neck and shoulder.
“Your self-admiration?”
“No,” Alex snorts, one of his hands flat on Henry’s stomach, rubbing circles with his thumb. “I’m talking about ‘ love’ .”
“Oh,” Henry stills in his movement for a second, Alex can feel him take a breath under his palm. Then, he nods. “Noted.”
Alex smiles, placing one last kiss on his reddening cheek, because he can’t possibly get enough contact, and he retrieves the leftovers in the microwave.
Two plates on the coffee table, a cup of tea and a glass of water, they get lost into conversations as the television plays in the background, David resting peacefully at their feet. Alex sends a few quick and short texts to Nora and June, sharing the rather delightful update with them.
Once dinner is consumed, Henry finds himself naturally in Alex’s arms on the sofa, cuddling and kissing him. Nothing but smiles and shy laughs, eyes bright as the stars.
“Alex?”
He hums against his hair, Henry moves his head to look up at him, his expression more serious and hesitant. Alex trails his fingers against his hip, softly.
“Thank you for coming over and making us have this conversation. I was too caught up in my own fears to realize how important this was, and how unfair I was to you. I’m—I’m really glad you’re here and that we talked this through.”
“Me f*cking too,” he fully grins and plants a kiss on Henry’s forehead. “You know I’m quite stubborn, I told you I can’t let you go that easily.”
Nora was right, he doesn’t give up on the people he cares about, Henry is one of them. Alex is proud of himself and glad he braved his own fears to take that jump, despite all of the risks, because Henry was always there to catch him in the end.
When Henry’s lips meet his own in another vertiginous kiss, Alex can taste his smile against his mouth. He feels like he’s floating away in a sea of stars, completely untethered. But Henry’s touch, the graceful hand on the back of his neck and ever so slowly threading through his hair, is enough to ground him back to earth.
And, there is nowhere else he’d rather be in the whole world.
